I just watched the Yvonne Orji HBO comedy special, “Mama I Made It”, this week. First of all, let me just say that before this special I didn’t know that Yvonne was a whole legit comedian. I watched it because I saw some rumblings about it on Twitter (oh yeah, I’m back on Twitter after like a decade) so I wanted to see for myself what it was about. Overall, I thought it was good.
Let me also say that I haven’t watched this season of Insecure past the first episode, so I don’t have a picture of Yvonne as Problematic Molly to color my opinion… I know that there are many people squarely in the IDFWU camp when it comes to Molly and, by extension, Yvonne.
Anyhoo… during the special Yvonne talked a lot about how her parents – mom specifically – are always on her about finding a man & getting married since she’s already 36. This isn’t a spoiler alert because it’s the same story that we hear over and over again from women. Yvonne is obviously Nigerian with Nigerian parents but let’s be real – this pressure for women (and to an extent men, but later in life I think) to find somebody and start a family crosses cultural boundaries, although I think my mom has given up on the idea of me finding somebody to do life with and will just settle for me giving her some grandchildren (#sideeye).
I’m 33 years old and I’ve been single all my life. (And in case the few people that know about dude are reading this: I’m reclaiming my time on whats-his-face. *shrugs*)
In the Year of Our Lord 2020, society still largely measures a woman’s happiness based on her marital status, parental status, and dress size. By all accounts I should be miserable AF. But what actually saddens me is when I see so many BOMB ASS women who feel less than because they aren’t married or otherwise attached. What saddens me more is when I see women accepting foolishness in their relationships because “relationships take work and compromise” (even though they seem to be the only ones working and compromising, but I digress.) When women lower their standards just so they can say that they have somebody or a PIECE of somebody, that saddens me.
When I find blog posts written by women about singleness that basically perpetuate the idea that if a woman is single her sole focus should be bettering herself for the purpose of finding a partner… that infuriates me.
We should be going on solo trips across the world, learning new skills, broadening our horizons, figuring out who we are and want we want and what we like and don’t like, doing WTF we want to do. We should be living for US, creating our own experiences, living our best single lives to the fullest, being happy with ourselves.
That’s not to say that if you’re single you shouldn’t WANT to find a relationship. If you want to be partnered, I really and sincerely hope you find what you’re looking for. But I just think that we should embrace being single while we’re here and stop focusing so much on what’s next.
I embrace being single because I don’t want to miss out on life.
Before you start @-ing me, I don’t mean that everybody in a relationship is missing out on life. Some are, but that ain’t the point of this post. I mean that if you’re single and solely focused on finding a partner you could be missing out on all the awesomeness that’s happening around you, right now, in the moment.
Do you really want to wake up one day in your old age and regret that you didn’t do more with your life because you were too focused on who might have been choosing and what they possibly may perhaps like or not like… instead of living your life?
I’ve been in several singles groups on Facebook over the years and I’ve seen too many “men don’t like when women [insert random thing that only probably that guy doesn’t like and it’s likely not really representative of all men here]” to count. I’ve seen too many “that’s why you’re single, because you [insert extremely innocuous activity here]” to count. The expectation seems to be that single people should only be worried about finding a match and should only do things that would attract a partner, personal enjoyment be damned.
In the words of my fictional bae M’Baku, “I will not have it!”
I embrace being single because I only have to answer to and for myself.
Truth moment: I’m selfish and I don’t like to compromise.
I remember commenting that statement under a post about why people were single in a singles group and some dude was apparently offended by it because he promptly responded: WELL YOU DON’T NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Um… duh Captain Obvious, thanks for repeating my point. #sideeye
Anyway, I like to do what I want, when I want, where I want to do it, how I want it done, and with whom I choose to do it… I don’t want to have to explain to anybody why I want to do it. The only person I want to confer with about anything is Kesha. The only person I want to check in with is Kesha. The only person who I want to answer for is Kesha.
And that’s just that on that.
I embrace being single because I choose to appreciate what I do have instead of stressing over what I don’t.
I really try not look at my life and see what it’s lacking – or what other people might think is lacking, anyway. I choose to appreciate what I have.
I know that just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m alone. My life is full of people that care about me – my family (including my nephews even though they act brand new every time they see me), my friends, my coworkers who actually do feel like family and friends, my internet friends who I’ve never met in real life but still feel connected to.
I love these pants SO MUCH but they are VERY see-through so I think they’d be perfect to wear as a swimsuit cover up or with maybe biker shorts underneath if you didn’t want the world to see your underwear.
Last year I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and try some crop tops. I bought a bunch and packed them in my suitcase for my two week trip to Phuket and Dubai. I basically forced myself to wear them because there weren’t many other options for me while I was gallivanting across Asia. I’m very happy that I took that step because now I. LOVE. THEM. I bought so many more when I came home. Fitted crop tops, loose fitting crop tops, long sleeve crop tops, sleeveless crop tops – I have all kinds.
Funny story: When I was taking the pictures for this post, I locked myself out of the house. #facepalm I was outside for about 30 minutes before the locksmith showed up. It forced me to take a bunch of pics and try out some new poses so I guess that’s the silver lining but I just wish it wouldn’t have happened when it was a million degrees outside.